That saying about the heart wanting what the heart wants? Bullshit. It’s the ego. Always the ego. The ego wants what it wants. And what it wants? Everything and more. Without strings. Without consequences. We deserve it. I’ve heard my ego say that time and again.
The heavy lifting of the holidays done, I can finally relax. Having given and received some “special attention” last night, I feel one hundred percent better than I did yesterday. Those moments of regression pass if I let them.
It’s as if I am a plant. Actually I am a plant. We are all part of nature anyway. So, yeah, I’m going with the analogy. Every day is a different day internally, depending on the weather and the balance of my environment. Sometimes I need more water or more sunlight or more attention. Sometimes I just need rest.
When I get what I need I am okay for awhile. The challenge is figuring out what I need. Learning how to ask for what I need instead of looking for another gardener who is offering it outright…and seemingly for free. Indeed, I have suffered from overwatering by untrained hands and had my leaves scorched by careless neglect over the past two years’ struggle with my own compulsive and ultimately fruitless attempts at getting my needs met ‘outside’.
Most of all, I need to stop abandoning myself when I get busy. I do tend to put work at the forefront. I need to stop that. Take the time to tend my own garden before I move out into the world each day.
I am ready to live life on life’s terms. There is no magic salvation. And I choose positive action over fantastical words. I embrace my physical reality and know that there is a divine presence that guides my path. There is only this moment, leading–if I am fortunate, to the next.