And then, out of the blue, I have a really good day. The fog dissolves. I find clarity. As I go about my work today I think about how perfect the elements of the actual workday are for me and for my personality. I think about the creative aspects. I think about the hours…how I love to get home from work at 2:00 p.m. and write or do whatever moves me until dinner time. How I control every single aspect of my business, except the flow of clients, which is fine, because I’ve become very good at saying no when it doesn’t feel like a good fit. I think about how I don’t want this to end. How it doesn’t have to end.
I don’t need to look any further to find my passion. I’m in it. I want more clients, because I want more money. Maybe the money comes from diversification. Maybe I start doing other stuff that is connected to my passion. I teach. I accept opportunities I would have otherwise declined because I’m afraid I won’t do them perfectly. I extend the reach of my passion. Because I want to go deeper in, not pull away.
What I need more than anything else is mental discipline. Focus. I need to get my head straight. As for my inner child, I realize I don’t have to look very far to find her. She’s been running this blog since December. She’s all over the map. And it’s okay. She needs a place to express herself. We just need to work together on this.
In order to establish some order to my life, I will be posting less often for awhile–just Mondays and Thursdays, to provide a structure around which I can do my other work. Of course there will be more clients…I imagine as soon as I get deep into writing a teaching plan or shot lists for my videos or photography for my cookbook I’ll get swamped with business.
And that’s okay, too 🙂