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I wish there was a reward system

Something I could hold in my hand

for every time I don’t…

Look for you

Reach for you

Nickels maybe?

If I had a nickel for every time I have

looked for you

reached for you

like some forbidden fruit

All I can say is that

I could afford to

take off work for the summer.

Like worrying a loose tooth


Chewing the delicate skin

at the edge of my lips

when I’m nervous.

I can taste the blood.

But, do I…

Look for pain?

Reach for pain?

You are certainly the one

who can supply

Just the right dose.


But, just for today…

Maybe I won’t