“Eric? Eric, are you still there?”
Jennifer calls out from the front room.
“Can you come here for a minute?”
He shoots me a look–eyebrow raised in alarm.
“Go ahead, honey…have fun with it…”
He opens another beer and we rejoin the party.
“Do you mind if I ask you a few questions, Eric?” Jennifer eyes him boldly.
“Well, as long as you don’t get too personal.” He crosses his arms and leans against the table, trying to look casual.
Everyone giggles with delight at Eric’s predicament, being the only man in a room full of increasingly uninhibited women. Grace has commandeered the bar and the ladies are sipping vodka neat, from martini glasses and leaning against one another playfully. Their fancy shoes kicked off in a corner somewhere, maybe even under the sofa, but who cares at this point.
Jennifer is wearing my bathrobe now, standing in front of the demonstration table with the wonder wand in her hand.
“I understand you and Stacey have a pretty good sex life, is that true?”
“I’d say so,” he glances at the girls, blushing as they all stare at him, waiting for what comes next.
“Do you like to pleasure a woman orally?”
“Um…” He clears his throat.
“I think you can ask my wife that question.”
He smiles smugly and winks at me.
“Do you know that some men don’t like to go down on a woman?”
“Yeah, sure.” He shrugs his shoulders.
“Why do you think that is?”
The room goes silent and the girls lean in to hear his answer.
“Uh, I can only guess that maybe they don’t feel confident that they know their way around down there, you know what I mean?”
I hear muttered comments and grunts of approval. I see a few heads nodding. Flushed faces.
“Does that sound about right, ladies? And they hate to ask for directions, don’t they?”
Everyone laughs, including Eric, shaking his head. He knows he is outnumbered here, but he is being a good sport, because that’s what a good husband does.
“What would you say if I told you that I have a device that is scientifically proven to exactly imitate and yet is superior to the human tongue when it comes to the stimulation of a woman’s most sensitive area?”
“I would say bullshit.”
“The Wonder Wand is designed to imitate precisely the function of the human tongue, except warmer, softer and more intense, controlled by its variable speed settings.”
He looks over at me, incredulously.
“Is this thing going to put me out of business?”
“Of course not, Eric! Stacey is a very fortunate woman, but not every woman has a man who is so, shall we say…attentive.”
“Excuse me!” Grace holds up her hand.
“This poor girl just told me she’s never even had an orgasm!”
All eyes turn toward petite, dark-haired Melissa, the youngest of the guests. She is wearing a pink mini skirt and a little black halter top speckled with pink rhinestones.
“Never, Melissa?” Jennifer looks very concerned, moving closer to where she is seated on the sofa. She crouches down in front of her, placing a hand on her knee.
“Have you tried?” She whispers.
She appears to shrink into the corner of the sofa, nodding vigorously. She winces at the sudden attention.
“You know where your clitoris is, right?”
She shakes her head slowly.
“I don’t think I have one…” she whispers, bowing her head and tucking a thick lock of long chestnut hair behind her ear self consciously.
Jennifer pats the young lady’s knee and stands back up, looking over her shoulder to where Eric is still standing beside the demonstration table, looking dumb-struck.
“Eric, would you please help Melissa find her clitoris?”
To be continued…